The message is clear: I need you to stay small! It implies they can see the gains I’ve made, how I’ve grown, that I’m pushing past some imaginary limit and I’m happy about it. I love my job, and I believe I said to this person, “I can’t believe I get paid to do this!” Just after that the dam of their discontent burst into flames and our relationship will never be the same.
It’s a conversation that comes up in the clairvoyant classes, because the roles we often slip into as we grow up suit the people around us just fine–because those people often have an unconscious, energetic hand in their formation. When we begin to change and grow in brand new ways, as often happens in our programs, we begin to poke the energetic boundaries we have formed with our friends and family. One could argue, our spiritual growth gives our loved ones and other players permission to change and grow themselves, but not everyone is on the path that we’re on or can understand what we’re doing. In fact, most people aren’t on the same path, and our growth can prompt them to feel things that they don’t want to feel. We call that a growth period and people experience them whether they know it or not, whether they have tools to manage them or not.
It’s not a criticism or an expectation that other people change in the ways that we do. Each of us has our own path and evolutionary trajectory in any given lifetime and honestly, if everyone was on the same spiritual path, it would probably be a mess. Some people are tremendously stabilizing for us and others to be around, because they are at peace with where they are and can extend that grace to others. Others are here to learn and grow by making a lot of mistakes. Some are here to learn by not taking any steps at all — maybe they’re scheduled to learn from inertia, or maybe they’re just taking a break! We’re not here to walk the same path.
It’s been entirely freeing, the awareness that I once agreed to be less than someone else, then decided to take a different step. While it was shocking at first, the other person’s response to my growth hasn’t been a surprise, and that’s been validating. The two of us may not recover from this situation, but I have the tools and understanding to take care of myself. I know where this person is coming from, I understand how hard my growth is for them to accept and as time goes by, we may find common ground once again. In the meantime, I’ve created a boundary that keeps me clear of their criticism and in gratitude for my own growth.
When I described this situation to a friend a couple of days ago, this was her response. “Let them,“ she advised me (after telling me to listen to a podcast by Mel Robbins, Author of Let Them Theory.)
“Let Them” provides permission for things to be the way they are, no judgment. It takes away the urge to fix a situation when it’s not yet time, or when it isn’t our responsibility. It provides permission for everyone to be where they are without expectation, until it’s clear something else is needed. “Let Them” has enabled me to step back and observe, to be compassionate and forgiving, to know we’re not on the same path and that’s okay.
Blessings,
Katie H
Rt. Rev. Katie Heldman is the Co-Director of Psychic Horizons Center, and wrote this article for the December 16th, 2024 eNews.
