A common feeling that healers and sensitive people struggle with is that of not belonging. It is especially challenging now because of how quickly and intensely things are shifting on the planet and in our lives.
Anyone choosing to express their authentic self in this world where conformity is so lauded needs a strong sense of self love and a humble confidence so as not to experience invalidation around not fitting the status quo.
Most experience the aspect of not belonging in childhood. They recall looking at their familiy and wondering, “How did I end up in this group?” It can continue in school, where we feel like an outsider in relationship to the cliques and group dynamics going on! Children and teenagers can be very unforgiving to those who are seen as ‘different.’
And, of course as healing, aware adults, we encounter the situation over and over, of seeing things in a different way. It is frustrating to watch events and history repeat themselves over and over again! It seems like no one wants to hear alternative perspectives, especially ones that involve releasing prejudices, sharing and embracing unity!
Fortunately, most do find some like- minded souls to hang out with on their path— people who resonate with their awareness and share enough commonalities that they have a community!
But more importantly, we need to learn to feel and know that our true home is within ourselves, no matter who is around or not around to validate us. If we wait until everyone can accept us, and for the world to change in order to feel valuable and safe, we will find ourselves waiting a long, long time!
In order to release the feelings of unworthiness, anxiety and other emotions that can arise when you feel like you don’t belong, you have to recognize that you are looking through a picture, like a lens, that colors your perception of how you see the world. In this case, that picture says that if you don’t fit in, you have a problem, you are deficient, and unloveable.
There are so many ways to shift this picture to one that says we are all unique yet of the oneness of divinity, and it’s all good! If you look at your youth and the people you wished you fit in with, I bet in most cases you now realize that you would never have been happy in those groups! A great quote I saw recently said something like, “The person who conforms makes everyone happy except themselves!”
Part of letting go of the picture of not fitting in involves realizing that much of our unhappiness stems from our own inability to be loving and accepting of our true selves. We crave our expression and being seen for who we really are, on good days and bad days, funny quirks and all!
Many relationships end because people don’t learn to love themselves fully before entering the relationship. Thus, they choose a partner to complete themselves, and they bond over what is alike and comfortable. That is fine to an extent, except that inevitably, they will enter the stage of relationship called “The Clash of Differences.” Without self love and self confidence, as the couple discovers what is different about each other, or have to talk about something fearful, the communication falters because they are looking through that lens of self deficiency and not belonging. That feeling comes up, it feels alienating and fearful, they blame it on the other person, and things come to a screeching halt.
We are each so unique and different! Embrace it in yourself, and then when you see the differences in others, you will embrace them as well!
The thing is, is we don’t belong here on Earth. We don’t belong to anything on the planet that is impermanent. And when we decide that we do belong to our work, our body, our lover, our money, our talents, something comes along and threatens those things, or takes them away, and then our world is rocked.
If we think we belong to a young, healthy, perfect body, what happens to our sense of belonging when it gets older, crippled or damaged? Look at the money made on that belief alone. The money spent and lengths people will go to to continue to feel like they belong based on physical appearance is staggering.
In our relationships, career, money space, anything can happen! All these things change and morph because they are of the physical world where everything changes. Even the friendships we once thought we couldn’t live without can end as we grow and find ourselves in new vibrations of awareness, with new focuses.
Jesus taught to live as though we are on the earth, but not of the earth. If we are not of the earth, then where is our home? Where do we belong? If everything on Earth is impermanent, what is ever lasting?
That home is to be found within each of us, in our hearts. In the quiet within, we find that connection with All That Is, a feeling of unity with all. It may start as a belief, but when it is contemplated and when life is lived from the notion that we are all one and connected by an everlasting, eternal thread of love and light, get ready to have your world rocked in a good way!
Remember the Golden Rule! Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
Every now and then, close your eyes and go within to yourself to a peaceful place. Ask Creator, God, Oneness, whatever you want to call that energy, to show you a color that denotes your connection with Oneness. Imagine that color or colors in the form of a beautiful rose. Then, bring that rose into your heart, to remind you that you belong to Divinity.
Our friends, jobs, clothes, bodies, acitivities that we love, are all wonderful tools of unique expression and what we came to be this life. But they are not who we are. We do not belong because we have those things. We belong becauase we are here and we are of love. It is that simple!
May you be blessed and supported on your path! ❦
Hope Hewetson is the Director of Psychic Horizons Center in Boulder, CO and originally wrote this for the April/May 2014 Newsletter. If you repost this message, or any portion thereof, please give credit to Rev. Hope Hewetson, www.psychichorizonscenter.org.