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Positive Communication by Hope Hewetson |
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attend a puppy class through the Boulder Valley Humane Society. It's for
me so I can learn to understand our new puppy, Angus. (Angus already
understands how to be a puppy.) The instructor tells us her pet peeve, which
is her frustration when people don't want to use treats with their dogs as a
reward because they think the dog and is only sitting and obeying for the
treat. She demonstrates how eventually, the dog will sit with or without a
treat, but people still resist the idea.
To me, people's reluctance to reward their pet for positive behavior is odd, except that we see it so often in people dealing with their children and pets - they focus on and punish for the bad behavior instead of rewarding and praising the positive behavior.
It translates into a society where we don't want to reward and praise each other, or even communicate with each other about what bothers us in order to elicit new behavior. It's easier to try and get new behavior through complaining behind people's backs. They could go to the person in question and perhaps get their problem solved a lot sooner!
I guess that takes me to one of my pet peeves, which is people who have a problem with someone and won't go talk to that person directly. If they're not willing to do that, then they at least could decide that they have an issue with themselves to work out. That way, it doesn't have to become the world's problem. Once, a woman complained to animal control because they saw my border collie, Sam, loose. I was just around the corner, but she didn't see me. Instead of investigating and communicating with me, she made the call. I paid a fine and wasted the officer's time when they could have been helping with an important animal crisis. The officer was a little embarrassed when he saw the situation, but had to follow the protocol. With some communication, the woman would have learned that I was a responsible pet owner, and Sam was a highly trained and responsive dog. She assumed there was an irresponsible college student who didn't care about the whereabouts of their dog in the picture. I found out who she was and approached her to communicate to her how I perceived the issue. I think she learned something!
In the Hopi Indian tribe, a custom once observed by the women involved listening twice to a woman's problem. But if the woman comes to the group with her issue a third time, the women turn their backs. It's time for the woman to figure out a solution for herself. After seeking and receiving council twice, it was then her responsibility to resolve the issue. That practice can be really empowering for you and the person in question.
Allowing a person the chance to find their way out of a situation gives them control, and the ability to find a solution sooner to their next conundrum. I've thought more about communicating with others lately because while walking Angus I have made more new friends! With his loving, puppy presence, we now know all of our neighbor's names. We've learned what they do, who they are and have even received offers to help with Angus if needed.
Communication is something we get to work on daily. Release fear of praising and rewarding others. And, look at who you need to talk to in a situation to find a healing resolution. Be the means to a more peaceful and loving humanity on Earth.
-Rev. Hope Hewetson
